You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
