I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
