Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
