Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Someone shattered a urinal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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