Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Panties = found
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