Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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