Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
...so i touched it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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