I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
