dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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