Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
