Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
