I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
