just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
