Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
