You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
