she looked like the before picture.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
