my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
