hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize