I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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