I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
