what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize