i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
