Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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