Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
