If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just had sex on a roof
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
