You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pants are for mortals
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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