thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
