My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
