Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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