im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Randomize
