Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
