i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
