Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
