Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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