im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
