I just pynch a tree in the face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
