After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
