Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
