Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
