also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
