Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
im calling her cock vulture from now on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My feet surprised me
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