2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
