You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize