I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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