So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
