i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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