Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
how does that bad decision feel?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
