i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Randomize
