I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
