I think I won the penis lottery.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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