Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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