I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dignity is for republicans.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
