Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
