He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was born a porn star she said
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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