Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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