i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize