don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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