Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize