I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize