Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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