I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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