Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
