Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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