So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
