I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
