I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize