i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
