Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
