Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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