she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
