perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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