For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
